Is hating losing the same as loving to win?

I just got home from soccer and am irritated. It's after midnight, I rarely stay up past 9:30 and I should be exhausted, but no, I'm wide awake trying to figure out why I didn't really bother to play and instead ran around the field doing nothing while the rest of the team worked hard. We lost our first game of the season. The thing is I hate losing, not in a positive, I'm going to try really hard kind of way, but a completely decide it's all about me if we win or lose, because basically, it's me versus the world. When I was taken out of the game, it was of course because I was the worst, most awful player ever, not because I was just having a bad game or needed a break. Maybe that's why I am a much better runner than soccer player, at least if I have a bad run, the only person it affects is me. A couple weeks ago I had a ridiculously awful game and left feeling terrible and actually e-mailed a friend from home something ridiculous asking him to rate me on a scale of 1 to 10 on how hard I am on myself and how personally I take things. How is someone supposed to answer that? It's hard sometimes, I love living here in Dubai, but there are definitely days when you need someone from home to give you a little reality check. Things at home that I could handle on my own tend to make me feel like a crazy person here. I was surprised when my friend called me the next morning to answer my questions. He was pretty  much right on. (spot on for you Australians) Not that it helps to know really, I still beat myself up about the same things. Which is totally healthy, and as a trained counselor, I highly suggest that to others... make a mistake (or in this case, play a bad game), spend copious amounts of times focusing on it, obsess to the point of driving yourself crazy and once you're done with that, write a blog entry on it so you can remind yourself about how bad you did at one thing. Ugh... It's supposed to be fun, and oddly, even though right now I'm hating it, I wouldn't trade it for anything, soccer is honestly one of the best things about Dubai. The people on our team are amazing. Now, for the power of positive thinking...

Top 5 reasons to love soccer (I am American after all)

5. Beautiful blue uniforms with flattering fitting socks

4. The nicest grassy area in Dubai with the calming peaceful sounds of gunfire in the background

3. An excuse to stay up past 10 on a school night

2. Where else is it acceptable to push people?

1. We can always blame it on the ref...

Okay, enough about that. Next week will be better, eh? (That's Canadian...)

You may have noticed a few little translations in there... I'm coming closer to meeting two of my goals for working internationally. When I went to the job fair, way back in February 2007, which honestly seems like a lifetime ago, I had some pretty specific goals about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to accomplish during my time abroad. When I ended up choosing an Elementary position in Dubai, I didn't think it would be possible to meet two of them, I was totally wrong. I wanted to be immersed in a new culture and learn a new language and I also wanted to work at all levels elementary, middle (which I had already done in HR) and high school. So, as far as a new culture, I work at a place that claims it's a "Culture of Kindness" let's just say that it's a whole different culture all right, but I wouldn't say a thing about it being kind. Learning a new language, well that is going well, I am almost fluent in British English, Canadian English and Australian English. I don't mean to show off, but I'll give an example... a lot (American English) = loads (British English) = heaps (Australian English). I know, I am quite talented in picking up other languages. We also have hoodies (American English) = Jumpers (Canadian English). While these may seem like simple languages to learn, you would be shocked to know how many times some of my friends can literally rattle off a sentence or two quickly and I would be looking at them and listening and have absolutely no idea what was said. I apparently am mistaken quite often for a Canadian, again, I'm not sure why, I have no flags or maple leaves anywhere! 

As for goal 2, work at all levels, there may be a possibility to transfer to a high school position. I have no experience, but today (Wednesday) they sent out a late afternoon e-mail saying any internal candidates that are qualified are invited to put in their CV and letter of interest by Sunday and interviews will be on Monday for a last minute high school vacancy. I have no experience at the high school, but since they accidentally over hired for the elementary school, I have a feeling they are hoping they can somehow sort it out (Australian English). Who knows, as far as work goes, it's fairly obvious it's not about us (teacher people) being happy or meeting our goals, instead it is all about what works the best for them. Who knows, I finished updating my resume today and need to write the letter of interest and hope to get it all in tomorrow, I don't want to think about it over the weekend. 

I try to avoid talking, thinking, writing about work. It truly is the only thing about Dubai that I don't like. We actually were having a serious conversation about how it is necessary to have a witness if you are going to meet with administration about anything to help hold them accountable and hopefully stop them from yelling at you. It's so weird, I have never been yelled at in a professional situation before and now, apparently, it's common and acceptable behavior, culture of kindness? Right. I wonder if that's what all for profit schools are like?

So, for the quick recap... Soccer was lame, I learned some new languages, I'm applying for a new job and work is still awful. Also, hating losing is not the same as loving to win... Fortunately it's almost the weekend, 16 hours and counting... Friday we have an early run, then I have a baby shower brunch and then a birthday party the same night that starts at a friends house but ends up at Barasti, huh, a weekend that includes Brunch and Barasti, shocking.

It's interesting to write so much about yourself... I wish people at home had one because I feel like everyone knows what I'm up to, but when I try to figure out what everyone else is doing I get a whole lot of nothing...

At the end of the day, I get to go home 7 weeks from Thursday...