Voluntary... Who knew?

At some point in biology I vaguely remember learning something about voluntary and involuntary muscles, i.e. your heart pumps without you actually making a conscious decision to tell it to pump. I used to think that breathing was involuntary too, but apparently I was wrong. 

When Trevor and I broke up years ago I remember thinking I was going to die, crying, being hysterical and drinking and shopping way too much. This time the dying, crying, hysterical parts are all there, but I've added in gasping for air, because somehow my lungs have forgotten that they're supposed to be breathing. I guess I did learn a few things from all this, breathing is actually voluntary, pigeons make me hyperventilate, Poland is a dumb country and lastly, I thought I would never have to go through anything as awful as that first time you get your heart broken and the fun part about life is, I do get to go through it again and it actually can be worse than the first time around. That's fun.  

It hasn't gotten any easier in the last week, in fact, it doesn't seem possible, but I actually feel worse about it now that I did a week ago. I keep telling myself that it's better to be alone then with someone who doesn't think you're good enough and doesn't want to be with you, but clearly in my irrational state, I could care less about that.