Guilty...

So, it's been a week or so since I've written, since then I've returned to work, run a marathon and just finished a nice long dinner (surprisingly pizza and wine...) with a girlfriend from work.

First, work. Well, it's work. I would like to just be independently wealthy.

Second, the marathon. Well, all I can really say is I'm happy it's over. I knew I wasn't ready, but it was the worst marathon I've ever done. Not only was it the worst time, I just felt awful during most of it. Instead of feeling energized by running these days, it just feels awful. The time itself, wasn't that bad, but anything that could feel bad or go wrong did. The morning started with me thinking I'd sliced off the tip of my finger. I was trying to cut a roll so I could toast it, turned into a bloody mess. Then, at kilometer 15 my iPod broke, I could still see my time, but the music stopped playing. I was carrying my phone, so I texted Steph and she met me at kilometer 23 or so with her iPod and some water, which I was SO thankful for. Right around the same time, 15 km, my eyes started doing that thing where it goes all tunnel vision and sparkly for a second and then returns to normal, by kilometer 22 or 23 I was starting to have this weird shortness of breath thing that seemed like a panic attack, but I was able to calm myself down. Well, I could go on and on, but you get the idea, it was awful. There were periods of time where it felt ok, but overall, it was bad. The second I finished I was happy though. It was really great to have some friends cheering me on at the finish and then we all went to 1516 for drinks and lunch, then a lazy afternoon at home baking cookies and drinking wine. So all in all, it wasn't a bad day. And, the next day I got up and went on an easy run and was wearing high heels to work, so as far as recovery time goes, I feel just fine.

Dinner... pizza and wine. Good way to relax after a long meeting at work. The weather is starting to get nice again finally. I wore heels and a skirt to work the last couple of days and you would think I had shown up in an evening gown. It's pretty hilarious, all the same clothes I wore to work in Dubai, and here my boss was asking me if I had a job interview. Whatever. It's been interesting lately, we've been having all kinds of interesting conversations about the summer and going home and traveling and how much time and money we spend over the summer and then end up just running around trying to fit it all in. I was mapping out my summer schedule and realized that's what it is, a schedule. I'm trying to fit it all in, time with friends, weddings, time with family, having visitors and also trying to make sure I still take the time to do things I want to do too. I signed up for two running races (even though at the moment the last thing I want to do in the world, is run another race). It's amazing how badly I want to be in two places all the time. I feel like I'm missing out on tons of things at home. I miss my family and friends and being part of peoples daily lives. But, at the same time I know financially I couldn't hardly afford to be a teacher in the U.S., well, I could, but it would involve giving up traveling and working two jobs. When here, in Vienna, I can work only one job, and still be able to travel all over the world. I just got back from Italy, which I loved, and am going to go down to Zagreb in a few weeks to play in a soccer tournament. I definitely couldn't do that if I was home!

Things are going really well in Vienna, I'm happy here. The job is fine, the city is beautiful, I still think the people are pretty lame overall in the city, but I have met great people through work and then friends of friends. I'm starting to feel like this is where I live, I want to go away and travel and see things, but at the same time, I kind of like just normal life stuff. I love my Saturday routine and the fact that the I think the people at Dr. Falafel are my friends and that the guy who is begging for money at the grocery store I live above now just says hi to me... With the weather changing, all the outdoor seating is back and we are starting to hang out at the Naschmarkt again, which I love! We were there last night and I ordered this huge summer spritzer, because you know, I wasn't drinking... I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about being happy, but it's hard not to feel like you're letting people down by not being around. People are marrying people I don't know, my best friends kids have no idea who I am and I"m not entirely sure my youngest nephew knows me. How can you not feel guilty about those things? Maybe it's just the time of year, but I can't wait to get home and see everyone!