Love/Hate

Oh, how I LOVE the English language… and I love being on break and I love sitting at Starbucks and I love, well everything at the moment. I’m sitting at Starbucks in the Heathrow Airport drinking a double tall soy latte surrounded by English speakers and on my way home for Christmas, what’s not to love?!

But, last night I hated traveling, hated saying goodbye to Steve for nearly three months, hated that I wouldn’t have time to work out today and hated that I had to fly British Airways, last time I didn’t get my bags for 16 or 17 days. Is anything ever good enough? Or do we always want more? Or is it just me?
Is it possible to have it all; that seems to be what I want. I want to be surrounded by friends and family, be healthy, have them be healthy, have a job that I love, live in a city that is fun, have tons of money, travel, buy what I want, have my student loans paid off and somehow have this perfect little stress free life, thing is, I don’t think that’s how it works, but is it ok to want that? I mean, you have to have some goals, right?

It seems pathetic at times, when I think about the things I worry about, should I rent a car for two weeks while I’m home? Should I take the train? Do I want to buy my towels in the US and pay for extra baggage fees? On February break should I travel somewhere sunny? Go someplace to train? Oh, and over the summer should I go to Poland and watch Euro Cup or Ukraine? Yet somehow, I manage to get all stressed out. Maybe it’s just my personality. I should be feeling very fortunate, and at times, I definitely do!

Right now I am just anxious to get home. I am planning on staying in Vienna at least another school year, but also realizing, this job might just be as good as it gets. Of course, it’s not perfect, I don’t expect that, but it’s a safe city, I love my apartment, I have some friends, I can train easily, especially with my bike trainer, I mean all in all it’s all pretty ok, but is ok enough? I was talking over whether or not I should look for a new job with a friend of mine and as we were talking it through, and she was explaining what it was like to live in China and what she thought of her time in Hong Kong, I just started to realize that maybe Vienna is the place for me. So, maybe it’s time to act like I live there. I think while I’m home I’m going to go through all of my things and see what I want to ship over, I don’t even know what I still have at my mom’s, just that there are boxes of things and, well, I guess my things should be where I live instead of just rebuying cheap versions of things I already own…

Or, maybe I’m just exhausted and worn out from work and need to take a break and relax a bit…