Open Water = Terrifying

Well, first I didn't get into the NYC Marathon, I'm a bit disappointed, but it's probably best, not sure I would have been ready for a marathon in November. Just sitting at home relaxing a bit, had the best weekend! Started off with a happy hour with Matthew and Omar. We went to this place by school, I think we ran out at about 3:16, I mean some days are just like that and with the sun out, how could we resist! We walked through the doors of this Heuriger and it was like walking into a whole new world, we were sitting in a beautiful garden looking out into the vineyards and I wasn't really drinking = white wine spritzer... kind of afternoon. We were having such a great time, but realized we needed food and for some reason fried meat and potatoes just wasn't going to work. We ended up grabbing a taxi and having a delicious tapas dinner at Bodego Marques, the food never tasted so good! I'm sure the sun and wine helped. It was great because I was home and in bed before 10:00, that's my kind of night!

I was up and out the door by 5:55 for a super hilly 4 hour ride, I was trying to figure out how I could ride up to Kahlenberg and over to work and avoid tram tracks. I did manage to figure out a way and got in some great hills along the way, but was TIRED on the hills! I need to work on that as much as I can before the races that are coming up. I smashed my ribs into my bike pump while trying to pump up my tires, I would explain how, but I just don't exactly know, but anyways, it hurts to breathe deep, but I don't have to breathe entirely shallow, but it is definitely painful. The riding was ok, but the hour run after was pretty painful. I finished up around 11:00ish and lounged around the house for a bit and then went out to the Prater to lay out in the sun. I was surprised to find that at 1:00 in the afternoon at the Prater, where there are small children and families relaxing and playing in the sun, there are also prostitutes. Have never seen them in Vienna in 3 years and certainly was not expecting to see it in the middle of the day in a child friendly area! I was SHOCKED. Well, I was able to move past it and find a grassy area and lay down, read my book and actually fall asleep. It was perfect! Sunday I woke up with my ribs still a bit sore, the night before I debated going into AKHA, but I HATE that place and will avoid it at all costs, so I just decided to self diagnose and take the same drugs that I took when I cracked my ribs a few years ago playing soccer. It helped. I met Steph and Mel at Edison's, this great new place by my house for brunch and then we set out to find where I had been before to do an open water swim. We found it really easily and I eventually got my wetsuit on and did a quick swim. It was terrifying. There is not ONE thing I like about open water swimming, literally everything about it terrifies me. But, this place was really easy to get to and not too many boats, and the boats that were there were paddle boats and/or slow moving. There is a little pedestrian bridge that I think keeps some of the bigger boats and the sail boats away, so that is nice, but it's still scary to be out there with boats. I was hit by the boat last year and it just scares me now. And, I was coughing like crazy and it hurt to breathe, so I just went a short distance. In my mind though, it was really helpful, I just need to get out there a bunch more before the race, which is three weeks from today. Scary. Tomorrow is a cooking class, I was looking forward to it, and I guess I still am, but the planning/organizing of it became difficult and annoying. Matthew and Omar must be annoyed too, they did the menu planning and recipes and all that. Ugh. But, it will be fun. I'm sure of it! We have Tuesday off and I leave for Sofia, Bulgaria early Friday night, so it is going to be a very busy week! I think the next month or so is going to fly by. I can't wait for my mom to get here May 15!

Just another day...

Well, it's about 9:15 at night and I am STRUGGLING to stay awake. Things are going okay, training is exhausting. I am averaging between 15 - 20 hours a week and really, really, really need to get out in the open water! I did a long ride the other day and managed 90km in less than 3.5 hours, so I'm pretty happy with that, can pretty comfortably finish the whole swim distance and the runs are only up to around two hours, which is fine. But, I am definitely tired at the end of the night! I bought this groupon coupon for five meals for a family of four to be delivered. I was cracking up when I saw the amount of food they brought on Monday night! I have NO idea how I will eat it all, but so far what I have had is good. The recipes are pretty easy, or at least my rough translation of them are easy enough. I had a few friends over for dinner last night and tried to make the fish and it didn't quite look right, but tasted ok. I think it was mostly an operator error, not the food or the recipe... I needed a different type of pan. At least that is what I am telling myself. It is pretty fun to have all the different foods to try, it's not necessarily Paleo friendly, so I am having to make some adjustments. And, with my increase in training some of the foods that used to be pretty limited are now allowed. I went and visited a friend and previewed the Zurich Ironman bike course last weekend. First of all, the visit with my friend was GREAT! It was someone I haven't seen since my first year in Dubai, so it's just been forever. I loved spending time with her, we had a great drive on the bike course and also went out for a few drinks, one at this great panorama view place and then this really cute wine/cheese place. I loved Zurich. We also went with her family on some hikes/walks around the lake right in Zurich and then on Sunday this lake that was a bit farther away, but it was beautiful! They lived in this really great place with a big yard, such a change from Dubai, and then right at the bottom of this amazing area to trail run. Which I did one morning and managed to get myself quite lost, but did eventually make it back to their house. Her kids were so great, all about the same ages as my niece and nephews. Kids are SO much fun to be around! So, the course seems like it will be ok. I need to get out and do some hills. Nothing will compare to the Nice course, but... it definitely has some long hills and climbs that I would probably be more worried about had I not done Nice. I do need to get out on my bike and hit the hills... and also start with some open water training, like I said. Ugh. The weather was gorgeous today, and yesterday I ran home from work and was able to figure out a way to ride my bike to work and avoid having to ride along the tram tracks, I have such a fear of falling into the tracks and just crashing. So, that means I can ride to/from work and get up a bit later and get ready at work. And/or have my bike at work and ready to go for my long rides right at 3:15. This weekend I am home and am planning on trying out the route to work as part of my 4:45 ride (then a 45 minute run...) and also getting out in the open water Saturday and Sunday. I already did two swims this week, but need to take advantage of the weather and am hoping to convince some friends to come hang out on the shore and get a tan while I swim and then join them. We'll see what happens. We are also doing a cooking class on Monday next week, seemed like a great idea when we thought of it, but somehow planning it is stressing me out. But, right now everything seems to be stressing me out. I'm really looking forward to the weekend! I am definitely at that training point that is my near exhaustion all the time while I adjust to this increase in training hours. I know I will get used to it, but for now, it's off to bed at 9:30, so I can get up and ride at 5:15, work all day, then run home... it really is a never ending cycle that I both love and hate. I am feeling good about the biking and running, but still terrified of the swim. And, I have a race in less than a month. Hm, night time for me. Oh, and I thought I was going to find out about the NYC marathon tonight, but apparently they do the drawing today, or well, did the drawing, but we can't log in and find out till tomorrow at 10:00am EST. So, I guess I'll have to wait till tomorrow... then start begging for the time off work.

Life in the fast lane...

Life is good. Really. It is. Doesn't always seem that way, but some days I can't believe how great things can be. Spring is here, apparently that means a bit of snow (on April Fool's Day), some sunny beautiful days, some pouring rain, a bit of everything I suppose.

Training is going ok, I was just in Turkey for a week, which I'll get too, but I got back on Friday and then attempted to do an indoor Olympic Distance Triathlon. It was pretty much a disaster, all of my own doing. The swim went fine, was actually quite easy (should be in a pool, I am absolutely TERRIFIED of the open water swims coming up), bike was HARD. I don't really know what I was thinking, I know that you have to drink water and/or sports drinks, and just because I didn't bring a water bottle with me to the gym, and I am on this "only buy bottled water in places that the water is not safe to drink" kick, and I didn't want to get off the bike to get a drink every 20 minutes or so, I tried to ride 40km really hard with only one gel and a few huge gulps of water halfway through. Needless to say, it was awful. The whole ride, I don't know what I was thinking, and then to try to run after?! What a mess. Just goes to show how important following a nutrition plan is. Besides that setback, training is continuing to go well, but it really is all consuming. While in Turkey I could only run, there was no place to swim and no bike at the gym. I decided to do some really hard interval training and weights, which was also a terrible idea, it just left me feeling too tired to do a proper Olympic Distance Practice Race. Ugh. This week is back to normal... oh wait, no it's not because I'll be gone again this weekend. I am flying out to Zurich to visit a friend and preview the race course. I am totally excited, but it's hard to fit in all the long workouts during the work week. We'll see how it goes!

Ok, so Vienna has been pretty busy so far. Steph and I have been going to a new church, which I like, but it is in the middle of the day on Sunday, which is a bit annoying, and I guess there is a new pastor that started today, but I wasn't there. Sounds like he is a bit more modern, we'll see. Easter markets were fun, the weather was great for a few days, so we went and picnicked in the park, which was super fun and relaxing, went to a bike thing at the Rathaus, Luis, our favorite bartender is back from Mexico, Tin Tan is a favorite once again! Had a few more Wein and Co. afternoons, Dr. Falafel every weekend, just the same old things I guess, but all is good.

I just got back from a great trip to Turkey with Jess. We met in Istanbul, spent most of the days just relaxing, walking around, shopping, eating and catching up. It was awesome! I love the food, people, everything about Istanbul. We then flew to Bodrum, which was SO relaxing. The hotel was beautiful and had a wellness center that we took full advantage of, we spent our days lounging in the sun and doing a whole lot of nothing. We did manage to drag ourselves out to the city one night and saw the castle, had an awesome Turkish dinner and wine, found a starbucks and some shisha at the ice cream place. A perfect way to end our trip.

This weekend was great too, like I said, the Olympic Distance Race was a two thumbs down event, but, it was followed by Dr. Falafel with Mel and Anika, then Wein and Co. and Levante with Matthew, so what's not to love about that day! Today was great too. I started off with a good long talk with my mom, I LOVE Vonage, and then I spent the whole day watching the Vienna half and full Marathon runners. Mel and I met just before 10:00 and watched Halle and Paula take 1st for men and 1st for women in the half marathon, I just can't believe how fast their legs move! Then we continued to stand and watch for another hour or so, we were right at the finish line, it was just amazing to watch so many people cross that line! We saw the first marathon finishers too, the Vienna City Marathon Record was broken, so exciting! Then Mel and I grabbed a quick lunch and I headed back to watch Anika cross the line, she did the relay. It was a bit weird not to be running. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't do it, who knows. Maybe next year. I talked with Anika for a while, then met up with Steph and Eddie and we all went to Motto, this great boat/cafe place and celebrated with some Prosecco and snacks. All in all, life is GOOD!

I have a busy month or so of travels coming up, my mom will be here soon, and I have a race May 20, sure hope I'm ready! Now it's off to bed, only 9:22 and I'm exhausted.

Crazy Catch up...

I don't know what has been going on to prevent me from writing in this thing... oh, right, Ironman training. Seriously. It is an obsession between the nutrition and training and trying to fit in work, it really is ALL I do.

So, a quick version of training and then life.

Training, I am now in Week 15, so nearly halfway through training. I took a swim class, which I HATED and dreaded every week, it was 8:00 - 9:00pm on Thursdays, which is WAY late for me to be out and about. But, it really made a big difference in my swim technique, I am still terrified of the swim and am pretty sure I will end up drowning and/or getting kicked in the face. I have been reading all these blogs on Ironman Swiss and every single one comments about how it is the roughest swim start they have ever experienced and that the course is hard to follow. They also note that the swim caps they hand out are the same color as the bouys you are trying to follow... hopefully that will be different. I swam the full distance in the pool the other day and it felt easy and took about 90 minutes, so I feel like I am at least on the right track. Open water swim is a whole new thing though... I have asked a friend if when it warms up a bit she will come ride along side me in a boat and hit me with a paddle while I swim, so you know, I get used to pain and being lost and confused.

I have been loving riding my bike, the indoor trainer is HARD and I did a few indoor spinning classes that were near impossible, 3 hours... I was dying! I have been on a couple rides in the last few weeks outside and it seems easy after all the indoor training. I rode just under 100km in around 3:50 last Saturday and felt just fine. I am also looking for a weekend/time to go and preview the St. Polten Half Ironman course but, my weekends are booked! I'll get to that later. I'd like to go and get my bike fitted, but I am just so busy! Should make the time though.

Running has been fine. I've noticed that I am working a lot harder on my riding, so my legs are tired for the runs. I am always doing the required amount of time, sometimes a bit more actually, but feel like my legs are pretty heavy. I've been meeting a friend and running in the Prater on Sunday mornings and have been loving that. We'll see, I think I need to start running with people or doing something to make it more entertaining. I used to run with a friend from work, but she has moved back to the States, and I'm realizing how much I miss that! I also added in a third swim so am up to 4 days a week of having afternoon trainings, so would need to find someone that wanted to meet and run at 5:00 in the morning... this will not likely happen.

Nutrition... so I'm still trying to follow the Paleo Diet, but at times it's a bit hard. I just get hungry, it doesn't limit calories or anything, but how much fruit, lean protein and vegetables can a person eat! I just feel like it's not a meal without some grains. I am starting to add in the grains during the Stage 3 of my eating cycle, which just feels like a feeding cycle at the zoo or something. I cheat every now and then. My favorite cheating is that I'm back to my routine Dr. Falafel Saturday. It really is the best thing ever!

Now, the rest of life.

Work, I just can't be bothered to discuss it. It's happening, I go every day and I get my job done.

Travel, have tons of things coming up and went on a great trip to NYC! First, Steve ended up coming back from Thailand early, which has been really nice. I thought he was going to be gone through March, and he ended up back in January. So... I decided to go to NYC and visit my friend Jen and then our friend Heather joined us too. I loved every second of the trip! We walked around, saw Ground Zero, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, celebrated national Margarita Day with the best Mexican Food I have had in ages, went to Top of the Rock, had our 5 seconds of fame in the background of the Today show, ate tons of delicious meals, shopped around, walked around and a highlight for me was running in Central Park. I could not have asked for better weather either! It was absolutely amazing! I also went to Philadelphia and had an amazing time with two friends from Dubai. It's so nice to be able to see people again! I mean, you make great friends abroad, but, realistically could NEVER see them again.

Steph and I recently went and visited our friend Heather in Barcelona for Steph's birthday and St. Patrick's Day. It was amazing! Heather and I spent our time wandering around, shopping a bit, drinking a bit, eating a bit, even had an afternoon on the beach. It was a perfect long weekend! I love Spain and am really hoping to someday be able to pay off all my college debt and find a job in a city that I want to live in that I can train year round in the sun and live on the water... Barcelona, Nice, Italian Riviera, maybe a tropical island... who knows!

Upcoming trips, this is what is crazy. I will be meeting Jess in Turkey on April 7, which I can't wait for! Then April 20 - 22, I am going to Zurich to visit a friend and preview the bike course, next weekend is free in Vienna, then it is a crazy May. The first weekend we are going to Sofia, Bulgaria, then next weekend Budapest, the following week my mom arrives and I have a Half Iron in St. Polten, the next weekend is a driving trip to Croatia, the next is a hiking trip, and then... nothing. As of right now, but who knows! I can't seem to say no to any travel options. Heather and I have already booked Thanksgiving next year! Malta! Crazy.

Life in Vienna... it has been ok. I just don't love it here. I try to find some good things about the city, but I can't. Plenty of good things about my life here, but it is truly a depressing and boring city. You have to work hard to be "ok" here as opposed to having a vibrant and exciting city. Well, that is my opinion of it at least. The weather was great this winter, we had a few weeks of FREEZING cold weather, but for the most part there was NO rain and gray, which is what makes me crazy. So, it's been a blue sky kind of year. I'm loving it!

I have about a zillion things I should be doing, so I guess I'll get to it. And, try to get some pictures up and remember to post more often!

Is soy sauce really cheating?

So, life has taken a couple of crazy turns in the last week or so, but I'm keeping my head above water.

First, I will start with how guilty I am feeling about adding some salad dressing (soy sauce and honey) to my dinner tonight. Why might one feel guilty about this seemingly small thing? Well, it's the latest obsession with the Paleo diet, according to the book you can "cheat" or follow an 85% rule, which means the average person eats 20 meals a week, so if you follow the diet 85% of the time that means you can have three meals a week that don't strictly follow the diet. I must say, I am really shocked by what I miss the most. It's not the sweets, breads, dairy (although I do miss lattes) it really is all the salty/processed condiments that I use in cooking or as salad dressings. I still don't quite get what the problem is with salt, vinegar, soy sauce etc. if used in moderation, it's not like I'm drinking it... And, there is NO reason I am doing this other than to see if it helps with my training. Right now I'm in the "don't quit, you should feel tired and it will take longer to recover" period. Which, is not fun. I feel like I am working out harder by adding in strength training, eating healthier and instead of an increase in energy and better workouts, my body feels tired. I am not used to my legs not wanting to run another step. But, all the books say three weeks minimum before you decided what you think about the diet and it's effect on your performance. Most books say stick with it longer and you will continue to notice improvements, it just takes time. Today I did stop in at this small bio store near my house I've never been to before and bought some unsweetened almond milk to try in my coffee. I'm actually pretty excited. Overall training is fine, swim class was good, we won't learn the full stroke until week seven, seems a bit extreme, but I guess with swimming it's about technique and we have a lot to learn. There are four of us in the class, it is in German and it actually makes me want to learn again. They seemed to be laughing and having fun and I had no idea what was going on. I mean I could understand enough to follow the class, but sure would be nice to know the language.

Ok, back to the rest of life, wait, is there life outside of training and eating?! I went to Amsterdam to visit a friend who was traveling through Europe from Australia, it was awesome! We stayed with a friend who worked with us in Dubai, rode bicycles all over town ( a bit scary...), went to a few local markets, wandered all over, went to this ridiculously awful, so almost entertaining band, I mean, who knew Lionel Ritchie could be remixed in quite that way, and what band doesn't play Oh When the Saints Go Marching On...! The next day Mark and I went for a run, lounged about the house for a while and then met another friend who I worked with in Vienna for lunch at this great Nacho place and it was great to just sit and talk with her! It is pretty fun that I have friends that I can visit all over the place, I consider myself very lucky!

Work is work, really, with training and this whole eating thing, I really feel like I don't have time to do much else. It will be really, really, really nice to be home this weekend! I haven't been home for a weekend in only a month. I don't really have anything I have to do, but some things I want to do. I'm thinking about buying a grown up fridge, mine is TINY and the freezer is super tiny and with all this eating and prepping I need some more space. I also ordered a juicer and am hoping it arrives soon and am going to look at food processors too. I should just go buy the Kitchen Aide mixer and all the attachments that I have been dreaming about for years now... I keep thinking, well I don't want to buy it here because I don't know how long I'm staying, well, it's at least another year and a half, definitely enough time to buy a mixer...

No plans to travel anytime soon, we had talked about meeting in Thailand or China, or wherever Steve is, but he might be back to Vienna before my break in February. The smart thing to do would be to stay here, do my training and relax, but... I would really love to see the sun!

I'm back... to Vienna

Christmas Break was a big, fun, blur. I loved being home and seeing my family and friends. Let's see... some quick highlights, seeing my family, I cannot explain how cute my niece and nephews are, meeting my cousin's little girl, Christmas with my Dad for the first time in six years, continuing training, shopping, dinner at the place my brother cooks at now, more food than one should consume in one day all in one meal, meeting up with old girlfriends, the Lam's, they sure are growing up!, birthday brunch and nails with Missy, Starbucks with a tier one friend, a fun lunch at McMenamins with my best friend from kindergarten, how funny is that, 30 years later...spending so much time with my mom and a zillion other things I am probably forgetting. I guess it's a lot of the same things I do every time I go home. I did some serious damage shopping this time, even with paying for an extra bag I had to take things out in order to meet the weight limit... I was that person that you definitely didn't want to be behind in the baggage check lane, iPad, laptop, boots, jacket, carry on, massive purse... Oh, and as usual, my bags didn't make it back to Vienna with me.

When I arrived into Vienna I met Steph and her mom at Dots Sushi for a delicious meal and then came home and unpacked a bit and did much of the same on Sunday, couldn't be bothered to leave the house really. Drank coffee and ate Oatmeal Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies for dinner.

Monday and work came way too fast. I was wide awake at 3:00 and I finally got up and did my long bike ride at 4:00 because I will be in Amsterdam this weekend, so that was nice. Well, nice until I just about fell asleep while trying to work that day! I managed to make it through the day and decided to skip the gym and head home to do some grocery shopping for my new Paleo Diet, which I'll get to in a minute... but anyways, I also found out that my luggage was supposed to arrive, so I had to be home between 6 - 9 anyways. So, I decided I would do some sit ups, push ups and other at home weight training activities. So, I went to Billa, made myself some dinner and then started with my workout. Next thing you know I hear the buzzer ringing. I had somehow managed to fall asleep in the middle of my push ups? Sit ups? Arm lift things? Who knows...?! My luggage did arrive though, so that was nice. I quickly unpacked and went to sleep, obviously, I was tired.

So, back to the Paleo Diet thing... and ironman training. Like I mentioned before, I signed up for the Zurich Ironman on July 15 and the St. Polten Half on May 20. I'm not really sure what exactly I was thinking, except that I guess it has just become an obsession. So, I was doing a little research and wanting to add in something different to my training this time around and knew that I would need to improve my swimming technique so I signed up for a 10 week swim course and also decided I would focus on strength training and nutrition. After some research I decided to try the Paleo Diet, which is basically eating like a caveman, lean meats and all the fruits and vegetables you want. It doesn't allow grains or dairy. So far, 2 days into it, and it's fine, except for one thing. It's not giving up grains, or cheese, or even soy milk, it's SALT. I am going crazy without it! I made turkey fajitas last night (with a lettuce wrap) and as delicious as it was all I wanted was salt, just a tiny, little bit...!

In one of the MANY books I bought, I think it's something like the Paleo Diet for Endurance Athletes, it talks about the five stages of eating and what is allowed in each, and which foods are usually not allowed in the Paleo diet, but can be eaten in moderation during Stage II/III and then salt is ok if you are exercising at a certain temperature for a certain amount of time, or are losing a certain amount of sweat, oh, it is all SO confusing. Then it goes on to try to explain the percentage of fats/proteins/fruits/etc. that you should eat during the different phases of training, base, build, peak, and then when you are just about to race an A priority race you should limit your calories the week before, I get tired just thinking about it. I also bought this training journal to help plan the workouts and write down how they go and what I eat for the day. I was working on transferring all of the plan into it and was getting exhausted just writing it down, let alone when I am actually doing the long training weeks! Right now it is only 8 or 9 hours + whatever strength training I do (and I don't get to count the time sleeping). I am really excited about the new diet, strength training and my swim class. My ultimate goal is still to complete the ironman, but, it sure would be nice to be faster this time too!

Oh, and to add to my ironman obsession, I would also say I can't stop listening to Colbie Calliat and reading about and watching youtube videos on Kris Carr. I bought a juicer on groupon today...

Ok, off to bed. Hope I manage to sleep through the night.

Love/Hate

Oh, how I LOVE the English language… and I love being on break and I love sitting at Starbucks and I love, well everything at the moment. I’m sitting at Starbucks in the Heathrow Airport drinking a double tall soy latte surrounded by English speakers and on my way home for Christmas, what’s not to love?!

But, last night I hated traveling, hated saying goodbye to Steve for nearly three months, hated that I wouldn’t have time to work out today and hated that I had to fly British Airways, last time I didn’t get my bags for 16 or 17 days. Is anything ever good enough? Or do we always want more? Or is it just me?
Is it possible to have it all; that seems to be what I want. I want to be surrounded by friends and family, be healthy, have them be healthy, have a job that I love, live in a city that is fun, have tons of money, travel, buy what I want, have my student loans paid off and somehow have this perfect little stress free life, thing is, I don’t think that’s how it works, but is it ok to want that? I mean, you have to have some goals, right?

It seems pathetic at times, when I think about the things I worry about, should I rent a car for two weeks while I’m home? Should I take the train? Do I want to buy my towels in the US and pay for extra baggage fees? On February break should I travel somewhere sunny? Go someplace to train? Oh, and over the summer should I go to Poland and watch Euro Cup or Ukraine? Yet somehow, I manage to get all stressed out. Maybe it’s just my personality. I should be feeling very fortunate, and at times, I definitely do!

Right now I am just anxious to get home. I am planning on staying in Vienna at least another school year, but also realizing, this job might just be as good as it gets. Of course, it’s not perfect, I don’t expect that, but it’s a safe city, I love my apartment, I have some friends, I can train easily, especially with my bike trainer, I mean all in all it’s all pretty ok, but is ok enough? I was talking over whether or not I should look for a new job with a friend of mine and as we were talking it through, and she was explaining what it was like to live in China and what she thought of her time in Hong Kong, I just started to realize that maybe Vienna is the place for me. So, maybe it’s time to act like I live there. I think while I’m home I’m going to go through all of my things and see what I want to ship over, I don’t even know what I still have at my mom’s, just that there are boxes of things and, well, I guess my things should be where I live instead of just rebuying cheap versions of things I already own…

Or, maybe I’m just exhausted and worn out from work and need to take a break and relax a bit…